I had an ideal; the perfect conscious love that existed in my mind, that lived restlessly in my soul, that I so desperately wanted to be my reality. So, I did what you do when you aren’t as aware as you think about how the Universe flows and manifests your desires. I tried to control. I pushed too far and put in more energy than was healthy. I set perfectly clear and mindful intentions for manifestation, but I demanded they be fulfilled by what was not able to fulfil them. I was too attached to the specific outcome I created in my mind, and so even if my perfect connection was near, I had already restricted and blinded myself from it.
“No! It has to be this way! All the good stuff, but ONLY from here. If it’s somewhere else, I wont be as happy… I don’t think…”
That’s not how it goes, darling. [Updated January 3rd, 2021]
This is what I wrote when I had that perfect ideal in my mind. It teased, and taunted and made me think I could have it over and over again, dancing just around the edges of my life experience, but it didn’t happen. Not there. Now my heart is open to anywhere.
I am the earth and you are the air, but I flit about in your breeze as easily as you lounge on my soft, sun-warmed ground. I sit beside the ocean I have led you to, while you build and feed the fire that keeps me warm. I look up at the multiverse and laugh silent tears. Glowing threads of purple explode across existence, connecting the stars with the blades of grass between my toes and the shimmer in your eyes. There is beauty everywhere, and we are balanced. And you are so beautiful to me. Sit by my side, my love, and be still with me. Gulp in these dimensions and tell me what you see. Share your heart with me. Walk with me, my love, let me show you all there is. Let me sing my soul to you, and let me give you my love. I can hear the stars, the trees, the sun. I can taste the flames on your breath; sweeter than birdsong, and more golden than honey. Run with me, hand in hand, across the powdery sand while the waves roar and the wind catches us in its smokey current. Wisps of spirit dance their way across our skin, seamless over our intertwined fingers, carrying sparks from my heart to yours, and yours to mine. You turn to me and, all at once, the infinite realms melt into your gaze. We are just us; not two, not one, but nothing and everything. We are more and less human, and I am not afraid, my love. We are divine.